“Stubborn” Love

Fang Shu

Ginling College

I am Sue. I am a stubborn girl. My parents’ temper is also not so good. However, it’s us – three people with seemingly contradictory characteristics that create a warm home filled with love.

My father is a reserved man who tends to hide his true feelings deep in his heart. He is not good at expressing his own emotions. He doesn’t bother about small matters in daily life. On the contrast, my mother is a rationalist and a realist who is passionate about her work and life. She desires perfection and even pays great attention to the least important trifles. And I, as the crystal of their love, I am just like the neutral product of their characteristics but maybe not a good chemistry. In my mother’s view, I am sensitive, lazy and passive exactly carved from my father’s mold. In my father’s opinion, I am too obstinate to change my views and always critical about tiny things just like my mother. But in fact, I would like to give myself higher marks. Maybe my parents haven’t found that smugness is also one of my shortcomings.

Since my childhood, my parents never stopped arguing. It’s really rare for them to have similar opinions. They will argue about choices of careers, expenditure of entertainment or daily life, and even the colors of toothbrushes. Both of them with obstinacy rooted deeply in their blood certainly won’t take a step back in quarrels. After the unpleasant squabbles, childish things come again. In order to prove and emphasize they are right, they will not talk to each other. I become the unfortunate victim of the ‘cold war’. As a considerate kid, I have to take the great responsibility of icebreaking. Generally, not even after half a day, my father will come to me and secretly ask “Is your mother still angry? Why don’t you have a look at your mom?” At that time, I will just run to my mother and say, “Dad lets me tell you that it’s all his fault and he is so sorry.” You think my mother will burst into laughter and forgive my father immediately like the cliché fairy tales’ happy ending? Too young, too simple! My elegant mother of course will just say “Ok… I know.” and calmly continue what she’s doing before. But I won’t tell you I have seen the upturned corners of her mouth after she’s listened to my words.

Nevertheless, luckily, there are still two things that they can reach an agreement on. It’s that Sue is not a good girl and she really should grow up. When it comes to educating me, they will miraculously stand on the same side. “Sue, why not clean your room now?”, “Sue, it’s dinner time”, Stop playing computer games, ok?!”, “For God’s sake, can you put more effort on your study?”, “Act like an adult and be responsible for your behavior!” and so on. Those words slipping out of my annoying mother’s mouth always accompany with my flattering father’s “Be a good girl. Just do as your mum says. Your mum is right.” I seriously doubt whether all parents in the world are so in tune about educating their kids. They seem to be in the same shoes when matching strength and wits against me. I have to admit that they take great care of me although with amazingly consistent indoctrination and it seems that I… enjoy it.

Now, I am far away from my home and live a dormitory life that I wished for. And I think jauntily that my parents can’t step in my life. On the first day of my university, I keep telling myself that it’s a good chance for me to be free from my parents’ nagging and I try my best not to miss my parents.

But despite this I miss them very much. I miss my father’s gracious eyes, his shabby cold jokes and even his bothersome echoes with my mother. I also miss my mother’s warm hands, her delicious food, and even her scary face when criticizing me. I strangely miss all these common and little things desperately. Is that love? Is that love for home that I will always cherish deep in my heart and never be fed up with? I have no idea. I only know that, at the moment, I really, really, really miss my parents so, so, so much.

I can’t help myself taking out my phone and calling my parents.

“Dad… Mum… I am… very… fine today. How about you?”

I don’t know why I say those words. I am not fine at all. I miss you so much.

I love you.