Afnan Linjawi
Effat University
Let me tell you the story of one little girl in this universe
Born to the world with her feet already planted in this Earth
Her name was chosen meticulously
She had to be pure and bare with no tracing to her family
Five letters to her name, A F N A N
They were all hers to claim
Yet
What pride can a 5 year old have
In that tiny heart, between the hatred and the love
What knowledge can a 10 year old show
In the classroom, when she was told what to say and what to do
What hope can a 15 year old aspire to
When all her life she was shut off and locked in
Unable to find her place, unable to give life a chance
She picked up a pen and scrawled with a rigid pace
But soon her hand began to dance
And as if the 24 hours in the 365 days were not enough for her
To tell her story and what had she meant in that moment in 1997 when she burst with tears instead of laughter
She has resigned from talking, and found her solace between pen and paper
She fought battles with her favorite dragon and sword
She lived in caves and met dinosaurs
She walked on moon rays, talked to lost children
Greeted the many flavours of life, before she went home again
Home!
Such an empty word with lazy slurs
Such a hollow place full of hazes and blurs
Her family was the loving kind
They gave her her space and peace of mind
They told her stories of people, God, and death
They told her this is how it is on this Earth
You cannot read all there is to be read
You cannot see all there is to be seen
Take the choice with the highest worth
Only appeal to those of soundness and truth
Study your steps and never dive in
As the years pass, guilt might come piling
As every parent, they have wished her well
Donned her with the coat of their experience
And given her the glasses they spent years shining and re-shining
At 18 she steps out to the world
Seeing nothing but fog through those special lenses
She could not understand the pictures and colors on them
She could not understand the plastic perfect smile of a young girl with a lab coat and a degree of 7 years in medicine
She could not understand her hands free of scars
She could not understand the well behaved and highly primed children as they align in bars
Taking a blind step forward
The heavy coat was nailing her feet to the road
The heavy coat was wide and had holes in the pockets
The heavy coat did not protect her from sickness and cold
She took them off and on the ground they lay
As she takes the world in her own paradigm
Experiencing realistic myths of hard work, stress, and demand
Exploring interests in poetry, languages, and theatre
Reshaping the possibilities of her future
And taking it one step at a time
For all of you who have been misplaced, misguided, and hushed down
Know that the globe is your game now, so go ahead spin it round and round
Know that no amount of gold defines your worth
No amount of tears will wipe away the haze and show you the truth
I was a little girl in this universe
Born to the world with my feet already planted in this Earth
My name chosen with everything that’s sweet and kind
I was given the pen, to trace back to my family line
Five letters to my name I write, A F N A N
Every line is a scar from my fights
As
I draw a dot on the wall marking my starting point
I was five, but I knew my colors and my strengths
I started my first diary when I was ten
It gave me the wisdom I had, on the first day of school when I turned 11
At 15 I was unlocking the chains that held me from the world
I needed its embrace and its hold
And today I stand here, with my dearest companion
Admiring its cursive lines as it guides me through my faults and fails
Holding it firmly, as I write my own faith!
